Sunday, May 1, 2011

Lawyer suing strip club--claims he got screwed.

Every once in a while, you get some delicious examples of ironies and twists of human behavior that simply cannot be made up. Celia Rivenbark's masterpiece that I titled Shaving the Hoohah is a delightful example.

So is this next bit of titillating news.

A south Florida lawyer--who, get THIS, specializes in DUI cases--is suing a "gentleman's club" for getting him drunk. So drunk, in fact, that he spent almost $19,000 dollars in the establishment. And in just one night.

That is one helluva lot of lap-dances. I'm surprised the lawyer can even stand up.

Take a look at this schmuck. His name is Mark Gold, founder of The Ticket Clinic, and he specializes in alcohol related offenses. You know, as in "when you've had too much or one too many and you end up doing something stupid" kind of cases.

Apparently Mr. Gold found some really "pole-er-izing" attractions at the all-nude Gold Rush strip club, or in the words of Al Bundy, "the nudie bar."

A $19,000 bar tab? I think the club should erect a monument to Mr. Gold and name him VP of the VIP Room.

According to the suit, the Big Tipper himself (Gold) alleges
that in November 2010, "Gold Rush knowingly and continuously served plaintiff alcoholic beverages to the extent that he was rendered intoxicated, partially or temporarily unconscious, and further to the extent that he had a complete loss of judgment, rational thought, or ability to enter into lawful contracts or agreements,"

The Big Tipper (Gold) goes on to claim that
"Gold Rush having knowingly caused plaintiff's irrational state of mind, continued to ply him with liquor in order to charge his credit card excessive amounts to the extent of $18,930. Defendant knew, or should have known, of plaintiff's intoxicated state, having caused it."

So let's get this straight. . .

A big shot lawyer who specializes in alcohol-induced stupidity willingly enters a target-rich environment where he apparently became voluntarily intoxicated by both the booze and the boobs, and now, the morning after, he has some regrets--and it's all the club's fault. And now he has a hard-on for the club's ownership, Turntable Entertainment and Production Company, demanding that they refund him his booty, er, money.

I wonder what the Big Tipper's real motives are? I wonder if he's one of these goofy, geeky guys that couldn't get laid in the middle of a whorehouse after buying $19,000 worth of drinks?

Could it be he's a closet Viagra man who left his little blue pills at home on the night in question and when $19K worth of pole dances and lap dances couldn't get him up for the occasion, decided he needed to sue for the embarrassment that caused?

Hopefully, this case doesn't arouse too much interest in other lawyers looking to make a quick score at the expense of some unsuspecting nudie bar.

Best case scenario? Gold's case goes to court, and he's in and out in a matter of minutes. Because quite frankly, I hope he gets screwed in court.

I hope the defense (the nudie bar) gets every single girl he salivated over to testify, in graphic Penthouse Forum-like detail, as to which brain Mr. Gold was using on the night in question--the one above his shoulders, or the one three feet lower.

And finally, I hope the judge in this case is a female. Even better would be if she worked her way through law school as a topless waitress.

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