Friday, April 22, 2011

Texas & Australia--two of a kind

Australians and Texans have a lot in common.

• Don't mess with us

• We're a destination, not a detour

• Even though a Texan and an Australian may have never met, put the two of us in a bad situation and reflexively, we'll have each others' back.

We were both pretty much kicked out of civilized society (England for the Aussies, just about anywhere east of the Mississippi for Texans) and found our way into barren wasteland.

But what we found in Australia and Texas were beautiful shorelines, rugged country, fertile land and an entire new way of looking at life and how to live it. We have rugged men and beautiful women as seen by these two lovely Australian ladies and the girls from my old college alma mater, Texas Tech University.

Because of how our respective lands came to be settled, there is a huge and fiercely independent streak in both Aussies and Texans. In Texas, we reserve the right to secede. Yankees and dumbass journalists dispute this, but all I'll say is: "Don't trifle with us on this one."

Down under, Australia doesn't need to secede--they just need to kick out the remaining remnants of British royalty and liberalism from their land. We have our own version of that crap here in Texas--we call it "Austin." We'd do good to flush it back to Boston or Philadelphia or Berkely or wherever the hell it came from.

Why? Because those are liberal bastions and what places such as that produce are more liberals who eventually produce criminals. And criminals like to rob places.

These criminals made the bad mistake of trying to rob a bar in Sidney, and 50 bikers came rushing in, caught the robbers, beat the hell out of them, then held them for the police.

God Bless Australians.

But as much as me and some friends enjoyed this video about Australians, an Aussie pal of ours--he refers to us as his mates--reminded us of this video, which is one of his favorites. He tells us he especially enjoys the scenery.

I assured him that we enjoy the scenery, too.

My wife is anxious to visit Australia and New Zealand, and we already have some friends, er, mates, lined up to tour guide for us. We also have a couple who are planning to visit Texas next year and we'll reciprocate the favor.

What's not to love? No language barrier, we both have great beers, we're independent as hell, don't mess with us, and our women are one of our greatest natural resources. Even our cookouts are pretty similar--they call it the barbie, we call it BBQ. And let me tell you: the Aussies have some pretty dang good BBQ rubs and spices.

Only thing I'm not crazy about as far as Australia goes is their gun laws, but I figure if enough Texans migrated there, we'd fix that in a hurry. We'd also bring some good beef along with us, and our women, of course.

Why, it would be Heaven Down Under.


Anonymous said...


I've been lurking here awhile and I gotta say I like the way you think, sir.

I'm from Alberta up in Canada and we know all about ugly liberals and gun laws for idiots. We ignore 'em both for the most part.

Once you fix Australia, maybe you could spare a couple Texas Rangers and help us clean up our act out here a bit too.

kx59 said...

I'd love to visit Australia and New Zealand. I've liked every Aussie I've met. I don't think I'd immigrate though. I'd be leaving the better of the two venues imho.
It's not the ivy league types that have polluted Austin, it's the hippies that never left after the graduated or flunked out of u.t.
It is a liberal bastion to be sure.
So take some notes on the barbie rubs and share when you return. (rereading that sentence, it sounds a bit unseemly, heh)

kx59 said...

oh! P.S. I had a female engineering consultant from Australia some years back. She noted that Australian women just love American men because they treat a lady like a lady. She said the Australian men are mostly interested in drinking beer with their mates (is there something wrong with that?) and playing rugby.
I have not tested this premise personally, but I thought I'd pass it along.
that is all.

An Ordinary American said...

"Drinking beer with their mates and playing/watching rugby."

That's why us Texans and Australians are so damn compatible. Doesn't matter which continent we're on, our women are going to bitch at us for doing something we're genetically programmed to do.

But we tolerate it because our women are so beautiful.


elmo.roosters said...

LOL as a Aussie women, planning on moving to Texas next year, i beg to differ on the football comment. I personally love to sit and watch football, hell, i yell at the tv louder then my brothers, i like both NRL and NFL. Go Roosters, Go Cowboys!!!

Anonymous said...

Aussie wanting to move to Texas

Unknown said...

I'm a Texan that's wanting to move to Australia...any words of advice?

Unknown said...

I'm a Texan that's wanting to move to Australia...any words of advice?

Old NFO said...

Having spent a good bit of time down under in the last 10 years, you're pretty much dead on... But the further west you go, the more 'western' the attitude in Aussieland.