Monday, December 12, 2011

It's NOT the kids' fault!

We're a little heated today.

The subject: Adoption and how it exposes government ineptness and incompetency.

The wife and I have been discussing adoption. We're of the age to where if we had become parents somewhere in the "traditional" childbearing age-years, our kids would probably range in age from being mid-teens to freshman/sophomore college-age.

So, we're not too old.

Financials? We're plenty comfortable. I've always made it a point to invest heavily and wisely while living frugally. With no kids, we never needed a huge house. We've never given a damn what the "Jones" next door ever thought, so our purchases have always been modest and always, always paid with cash.

Credit cards are financial heroin.

We keep one credit card with a significant limit on it for serious emergencies, and we maintain a line of credit to cover catastrophic occurrences. Other than that, we do not finance except for mortgages. We make car payments to specific savings accounts for years after the car(s) are paid off, and we only buy a new car when the old one(s) simply will not run and cannot be fixed.

We're college educated, zero criminal history, no civil lawsuits or liabilities, and we both retired in our late 40's as high-ranking executives from Fortune 500 companies. I work part-time in another industry and can leave it at anytime. Should we end up becoming "instant parents," I have every intention of never setting foot in another office again.

We're pretty typical in our close knit circle of friends, several couples of whom are also considering adoption--and like us, mid-teenaged kids. And like us, we all share something in common. When we expand our network to other families in other states who are considering adoption, we're all pretty much experiencing the same thing.

In our case. . .

Between three different state adoption services/agencies, we can't get them to give us the time of day.

Last year, here in Texas--which is one of the worst offenders from kids who "aged out" of the foster system I've talked to--I had actually managed to exchange e-mails with a social worker. Albeit one whose command of the English language was about as challenged as Michael Jackson's command of manhood.

We were looking at a brother and sister who desperately wanted to stay together. We wanted to send them Christmas presents. Nope, can't do it the social workers said. Why? No reason given and that ended THAT communications with her.

Don't dare question a social worker about anything. Don't dare ask why.

We find out earlier this year that the kids had been split up--big sister got adopted, status of the younger brother is unknown.

Wonderful work, eh?

Fast forward to the present. It's Christmas time again and again we're wanting to send some presents, anonymously, to certain children in the system that have caught our interest. Alabama, Missouri and Florida to name three states.

Out of the three, only Alabama has even returned an e-mail--and it was a form e-mail. I got on the phone to the governor's office and finally found somebody I could yell at and am told "nothing THEY can do."

Who the hell is running these asylums???

We, the TAXPAYERS, are paying for them and we're paying EMPLOYEES to run them and to look out for the kids but nobody seems to be in charge!

And meanwhile, over 100,000 children sit in foster care writing letters to Santa Claus and praying to God for their Forever Family.

And the way the (expletive deleted) social agencies operate, those kids aren't ever going to see a forever family.

Instead, they'll "age out" of the system, be put on Medicaid and given a few other pittances and shoved right out the door. Onto the street.

The guys fare better than the girls. And you don't want to know the statistical odds of where the girls will end up and what they'll be forced to do.

Yet, these social workers can't be bothered to return phone calls, answer e-mails, or basically do jackshit as it pertains to their job. They whine about being "overburdened."

Well hell yes they're overburdened. In the private sector, we were overburdened all the time. You either produced or you got your ass fired. But I also haven't exactly seen thousands of families lining up at the door to Alabama's agencies wanting to adopt older teenagers. For damn sure not in Texas.

So I don't want to hear "overburdened."

I want to start hearing my phone ring.

Something tells me I'm going to be putting a lot of hours on the Cessna in 2012 traveling from one state capital to another raising hell with various governors' chief of staffs.

So be it.

It's not the kids' fault, damnit.


agirlandhergun said...

My husband and I have 3 adopted children, but not from the foster care system. It is an endlessly frustrating process. There are some very good agencies though. Are you using an agency? Once you have a SW on your side, working for you, they seem to advocate for you better.

Jim McKee said...

You might want to speak with your elected representatives (state & federal). Sometimes, they can put some heat on govt. agencies.

My wife is an immigrant from the UK. When we were going through the immigration process and had some problems, Congressman Thad McCotter's office was going to investigate on our behalf. I later decided to just start the process over, as it would ultimately be faster. So, something to consider.

kx59 said...

If they were really good adopting the kiddos out, they'd pretty much be out of a job wouldn't they. Sounds like moronic gubmint job security to me.

Anonymous said...

Godspeed Tex.

Kim said...

My mom is very involved with Utah's system and the volunteer side. She might have some thoughts. Let me pass on this post and see what she thinks.

An Ordinary American said...


Reckon we're going to "hire" a SW who works on the private side, along with an attorney who specializes in family law.

I got some good information from a SW in Florida today--especially regarding which buttons to pound.


That is exactly the advice this woman in Florida gave me, so we're going to start making "campaign donations" to the senators in the three states we're presently looking at who are up for re-election next year.

That seems to be the only thing these numbnuts elected nimrods understand.

Fuzzy's Dad,

When we look over the AdoptUs sites and The Adoption Exchange Resource (TARE) sites, we rarely see any kids from Indiana.

We've heard it is extremely screwed up there regarding the foster/adoption system.


Don't worry. Get those kids adopted out and given today's crappy sorry-assed parents, there are way more kids to take their place.

One of the reasons those same social workers AREN'T taking kids from abusive families is because there is no place to put them.

Amazing--incompetence in one arena (failure to work with other agencies and adoption-seeking families ends up putting other kids in even worse situations).

But that's pretty typical of our fornicated-up government at all levels, in all states, counties and municipalities.

It's a requirement (cranial rectitus) to get into office.




I'd be very interested in what your mom knows or can suggest. We've looked at a couple of girls from Utah, but both children had stated their desire to be adopted into an LDS family, which we're not.

We absolutely understand and honor a child's religious wishes because faith is a centerpiece for us as well (even though my sometimes profane posts and outbursts seem to contradict that. . .).


Murphy's Law said...

Good luck to you. Just keep at it, and know that nothing good comes easy.

Rita said...

Almost exactly two years ago my niece and her husband adopted two wonderful girls here in Indiana. The girls, age 6 and 4 were considered "hard to place" because they were sisters.

Unbelievably they were only in the foster care system for 6 months. My niece and her husband were fast-tracked we think because she was the principal of the elementary school.

The social worker bent over backwards to hurry the adoption through. My niece's attorney kept telling her there would be no way the adoption would go so quickly. He said it just doesn't happen. But he was wrong. They were sworn into our family on December 16, 2009. When we all walked out of the courthouse that day, the baby was holding my husband's hand (her favorite uncle) and looked over at my niece, smiled and said, "Hi Mommy." Even she understood the importance.

The fostercase system was horrible, not much better than their drugged addicted mother's place.

There are some social workers that care. But I think they're rare.

Hope you find some luck soon, too many of those kids need help now.