Select-fire penises coming to Austin.

I love it when I can get two puns for the price of one. . .

It seems the longhorned sheep of the University of Texas/Austin forty-acre flock are afraid of guns. The reasons they give are antithetical to any sensibility of logic and critical thinking they should be learning at the Berkeley, Texas campus.

So it seems some girl that is a "performance violin major," (now there's a hot degree that today's downtrodden economy has been begging for, eh?) is starting a protest movement for female students to carry working dildos, openly, as a protest to concealed carry on the forty-acre sheep pasture of higher, if not questionable, education.

And to think I've been wasting all this time teaching our girls how to shoot, situational awareness, how to conceal, etc etc, when all they REALLY needed was to be packing a brightly colored sex toy in plain sight to scare off bad people. After all, this is "the" university of Texas where all graduates are entitled to six-figure beginning salaries, liberal utopian working conditions and where the real world stops at the campus boundaries.

To my girls, I do apologize for trying to teach you and prepare you for real world possibilities.

Now I'm off to write a letter to the Joint Chiefs of Staff proposing that we start a "Dildos For The Troops" fundraiser to immediately begin issuing these battery-operated, full-auto penises of peace to our troops serving in the MIddle East.

But one question--what are the males at university of Texas going to carry to show solidarity?