A man who takes his leaks sitting down.

I've read, re-read, and then re-read again this story from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

I still don't believe it.

It seems a 220-pound person who poses as a Texas male, Dale Fout, who describes himself as "I'm a pretty big guy. I'm broad. I'm not fat. Used to play football" had his neck savagely injured by a monstrously vicious 136-pound petite female from Richmond, Virginia.

How did this happen, you ask?

She tapped him on the neck at a movie theater. With her finger.

So what precipitated this ruthless whiplash-inducing neck-tapping, you ask?

The inconsiderate son of a bitch wouldn't leave his damned cell phone alone--and the glare from his texting was bothering other patrons.

So this little southern girl reaches over, taps the big he-man on the side of his neck to get his attention, and suddenly, Mr. Dale "I'm a pretty big guy. I'm broad. I'm not fat. Used to play football" Fout leaps out of his seat as though he'd peed all over himself, and starts claiming assault. Then he claims injury. To his neck.

He manages to stagger outside and demand emergency medical personnel be called, as well as the local police (and no, I'm not making this up--it's all in the linked story) and complains of whiplash and neck trauma. He then insists on having assault charges filed on the 136-pound woman visiting from Virginia.

What a pussy.

I've received several e-mails with Fout's facebook profile, his LinkedIn profile (apparently Mr. He Man With Savaged Neck is an "advertising consultant" in the Dallas/Fort Worth area) and his Twitter twat picture. I'm not going to post them, but you can google 'Dale Fout' and find all that stuff yourself.

Now, about his medical condition. . .

I'm no doctor, but I think I can precisely pinpoint Mr. "I'm a pretty big guy. I'm broad. I'm not fat. Used to play football" Fout's medical problem:

He has a vagina where his testicles should be.