Kick everyone off welfare. EVERYONE.

The fraud that is welfare is out of control. It is out of control in California, in Texas, in Minnesota, in Pennsylvania, in Florida.

It's out of control everywhere.

Kick everyone the hell off, and let's start over--and with a few new rules:

Rule #1. If you are not a U.S. citizen, no welfare. No public assistance. No nothing. If you can't make it here without government handouts, get the hell out and go back to wherever you came from. Fix your own country before you screw ours up any more than you already have.

Rule #2. Food stamps will only be used for food with nutritional value. The days of buying Cokes and donuts and candy bars and the such with your food stamps are over. Period. Don't like that? Tough shit. Get a job and pay for your own damn groceries.

Rule #3. Absolutely zero cash advances or withdrawls on these damned Electronics Benefits Transaction (EBT) cards. It's not your money you're withdrawing, it's my money. Taxpayers' money. What are taxpayers, you ask? People with jobs. Get it? Good. Get one (a job) and then withdraw all the money you want from YOUR bank account. Leave mine alone.

Rule #4. Paternity tests for all babies born out of wedlock whose moms/parents/grandparents apply for welfare. When the father is located, he has two choices: A) Pay up and support your child the way a man is supposed to, or B) Go to jail--and not just any jail, but one like what that Arizona guy, Sheriff Joe, has set up that puts inmates to work. If you, "dad," expect us to take care of your kid, then we'll do it. But you're gonna work for us if you can't--or won't--pay for your own kid.

Rule #5. For mothers who have a child out of wedlock and who cannot support that child, and thus expect us, taxpayers with jobs, to support you and your child, you will report to the county health official where you will be approved for an implanted birth control device. You can fornicate all you want after that because you'll be (temporarily) sterile. We'll pay for that--it's cheaper than paying for all your babies.

Rule #6. Drug testing will be mandatory. If a good number of us in the workforce have to take drug tests to keep our jobs, then you folks on welfare will have to start peeing in a bottle as well. If you pop positive, not only will your welfare end, but you will be indicted for possession (had to have it in order to use it, eh?) and sent to the jail mentioned above in Rule #4. Don't like it? Again, tough shit. Don't do drugs and for damned sure, don't use OUR money to buy your drugs with. How simple is that?

Rule #7. If you are under the age of 65 and on welfare assistance, you will work. We have countless things that need to be done in our country, and you will pitch in and help get them done. We have retired folks who need their lawns mowed or their homes painted or their cars washed. We have trash in our streets. We have run-down neighborhoods. We need tutors in schools, monitors on our playgrounds, people to keep an eye out on our parks. Get ready. You're it. In return, in addition to your welfare, we will give you a job reference to future/potential employers stating as to your attitude, reliability and quality of work.

To the politicians out there reading this, and I know two of you because you've e-mailed me just in the past two weeks, take note--there is zero reason why you cannot enact this. There are trillions of reasons why you better.

What set me off on this?

For one, I hate welfare cheats. They're scum.

Two, check out any of the following stories about fraud and abuse just as it pertains to these damned EBT cards--and how they're used for everywhere from liquor stores to strip clubs.

No, I'm not kidding you--strip clubs. Check this out from the Baltimore Spectator on EBT cards being used at strip clubs.

Or, check out any of the following:

EBT cards used at strip mall casinos in Florida.

Or this from the Pittsburgh Channel.com

Last November, Minneapolis television station KSTP found welfare EBT Access Cards being used to for tattoos, liquor and out-of-state vacations.

The KSTP investigation examined 2 million Minnesota EBT transactions in September and found that the cards were used 54,000 times in all other states, including Hawaii, along with 26 times in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

A Team 4 request for EBT Access Card spending records from the Pennsylvania Department of Welfare was denied.

Out of control. Everywhere.

Kick everyone, everywhere, off of welfare. Today. Start over and follow the rules.

And God help the government worker who aides in abuse or turns the other way. We'll have a special prison for you.