How dry is it in Texas?

So exactly how dry is it in Texas right now?

• A buddy out of Longview said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.

• A man in Dime Box said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

• In Lake Palestine ,they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it!

• But just this week, in Bryan, a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog.

• It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.